How Trading Rigidity for Fluidity Can Help You Reach Your Goals

My schedule is always shifting, and my day-to-day life can be pretty unpredictable. Most of the schedule changes are due to our kids or my health conditions, but sometimes it’s little emergencies on our mini farm, last-minute appointments, a friend needing help, or unexpected car or home issues. Maybe you find yourself in a similar situation or season of life.

In the mental health world, we talk about negative or irrational thought patterns as “Cognitive Distortions.” We all experience these from time to time, and for me, my brain’s favorite is “All or Nothing Thinking.”

All-or-nothing thinking makes me very rigid with schedules, plans and goals. If I miss a day or make a mistake, I often swing to the “nothing” side of the spectrum — I start to believe I didn’t do a good enough job, need to overhaul my entire plan, or that I’ve failed. Quitting becomes a major temptation. This downward spiral makes it 10 times harder to get back on track after a change in plans, a simple mistake, or an average “bad day.”

So, what does this have to do with nervous system regulation, mental health, physical health, and spiritual well-being?

A lot.

When we set out to improve any part of our lives, we usually make a plan. It could be a detailed schedule with step-by-step actions and professional guidance, or something more general like, “I want to exercise more.”

You’re probably here because you want to improve some aspect of your life — whether it’s mental health, physical health, nervous system regulation, accountability, community, or something else.

But, what happens when life happens?

When work gets extra stressful, when there’s tension in your marriage, when you get sick, when something breaks, or when your kids need more of your time and attention? When life just gets busy?

Often when these things happen, we put our own healing on hold. Not because we’re lazy or failures (even though we may be tempted to tell ourselves these things), but out of love for those around us. We do it out of selflessness or sometimes simply out of exhaustion.

If you’re anything like me, once something you planned to do gets pushed aside for a few days, that all-or-nothing thinking kicks in. It’s hard to get back on track. Maybe you were working on a goal from a course or a 1:1 session, had plans to spend more time in the Bible each day, or you were working towards healthier eating habits… but life got in the way and now it’s tough to stay motivated.

Whatever your goal or challenge, I get it — and many others here do, too.

Here’s the good news: there’s a better way to approach your goals that leads to higher success and lower stress. Ready for the secret?

Trade your rigidity for fluidity.

Instead of sticking to one strict plan, create multiple versions of your action plan that can adapt to whatever life throws at you. You don’t have to overdo it or limit yourself “just in case” something happens. Your goals don’t have to be “pass” or “fail” because life isn’t that cut and dry.

I like to have three options, but you can choose what works for you:

• Option 1: For a typical day with an average schedule and energy level.

• Option 2: For a day with a few unexpected events, when you’re more tired or emotional, or when things are busier than normal.

• Option 3: For days when you can only do the bare minimum—like when you’re sick, work is overwhelming, or your schedule is packed.

Here are some examples:

1. Goal: Exercise more to improve health and mental well-being

Original Plan: Exercise 30 minutes every day

New Plan:

Option 1: Exercise for 30 minutes

Option 2: Do a “mini exercise” for 5 minutes, three times throughout the day, or a single 15-minute workout

Option 3: Spend a few minutes stretching and deep breathing.'

2. Goal: Complete the Aligned + Renewed Course

Original Plan: Do one module per week

New Plan:

Option 1: Dedicate 30 minutes per day to the course until module is completed.

Option 2: Spend 10 minutes working on the course.

Option 3: Spend only 5 minutes working on the course. If mental capacity for the day has been reached, use the 5 minutes to review what has previously been learned.

Once you have these options, you can adjust your day based on how things are going. Personally, I create a daily Schedule 1, Schedule 2, and Schedule 3, but you can tailor it to fit your needs, whether it’s for an entire day or a single goal.

Changing from a rigid plan to a fluid one has helped me and many of my clients meet goals. It keeps us motivated and feeling accomplished. Even if you end up on an “Option 3” day, you’re still making progress, which is far better than quitting and struggling to get back on track. I love how it helps us to keep working towards our goals and creating the habits, without leading to burnout or frustration.

I hope you find this approach helpful!

-Sara Campbell

Sara is a Board Certified Christian Mental Health Coach, Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and Presidential Member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. She specializes in anxiety, panic attacks, trauma, and youth mental health. She is a wife, foster mama, and animal rescuer. She is passionate about helping women and children heal and find joy in their lives while growing closer to God throughout their journey. Sarah also shares mental health resources + teachings and leads monthly support group calls inside the Aligned + Renewed Collective. Want extra support on your health journey? Join us inside the collective!