As a 34 year old Christian woman, I am not ashamed to admit that…

I often feel like an Orphan in the world and it is a wound I have to tend to from time to time. You see, it is a biological desire to be in a secure relationship with your biological parents and when you lose them (in my case watched one pass away from cancer and the other I grew up not knowing due to choices he made, and later he took his own life), you feel the loss deep within your mind, body and soul.

This attachment wound is not unique to me, it is something I believe we all have a form of, not because we “evolved” with it, as evolutionary rooted modern psychology may try to convince you, but because of what happened back in the garden, when sin entered the world, the secure connection and attachment we once had to our Father was severed, and yes it has been redeemed through Jesus and the gospel, but our physiology is still impacted and when we over look that truth, and ignore our physical bodies, it causes us to overlook a lot of negative coping patterns that lead us to sin, that are often rooted in a biological search for safety and security. And this attachment wound is heightened when you experience a loss and your patterns are exposed if you are open and curious to see them rather than ignore them.

I am a Christian and coming to know Jesus and studying His word and obeying the gospel has healed me in ways I never thought possible, but at the same time I am not ashamed to honor the truth written in my physiology: we were biologically designed with a desire for attachment and because I am human, the broken attachment I experienced deeply touches me time to time and needs tending to. Having coping skills when this comes up has been crucial to avoid becoming paralyzed by it or returning to negative coping patterns that once kept me safe, but no longer serve me or God.

I have a deep mother hunger, and the desire to feel “mothered” arises inside of my often, yet at the same time, I recoil at the idea of allowing someone to fill that space she once held. It sometimes causes me to build walls and defenses, & I have to actively help my body & mind soften to receive love from the “mother figures” God has placed in my life, rather than push them away.

I have a fear of being seen and recoil and hide when I start receiving attention. This stems from deep rejection wounds I have experienced, and I am actively tending to, but before I began healing this wound, it impacted my relationships, my business, and my spirituality because I was afraid to lead.I am still afraid to lead at times but now I lead from a posture of knowing I can never please everyone or control how they perceive me and as a child of God I am promised grace when I fail. It is a security I am so thankful for but I’m not afraid to admit I still struggle with this time to time.

Sometimes as we age, we tend to suppress what we struggle with out of a fear of being seen as “immature,” or a “weak Christian” and met with gossip, but im not afraid to step out and allow you to see me, in hopes that seeing me helps you see yourself and know you’re not alone if you have experienced this too.

P.S One of best foundational steps to take when you feelRefined Wellness Collective like an orphan in the world is to choose to become part of Gods family and cultivate secure attachments within your local church family.

God will rewrite your story to be part of His, and knit you into His family. You have been chosen to be part of a royal family (1 Peter 2:9). He waits patiently waiting with open arms for you to choose Him back and receive your new inheritance (2 Peter 3:9, Eph 1:11-14).

He is a good Father who will not force you, you have free will to choose. I hope you choose soon.

To learn more about your God designed mind, body, + Spirit connection and how to tend to your inner wounds like these through a biblical lens, connect with us inside the Refined Wellness Collective!