Why I broke Up With Feminism.

Understanding my God designed nervous system helped me to break up with feminism, embrace Biblical femininity, and heal from burn out.

Here is why:

Feminism convinced me I needed to measure up to a man, be better than him, and for sure never rely on one. It taught me all men are dangerous and I needed to protect and provide for myself.

It taught me to be “an independent woman who never needs a man.”

And while I was very independent when I met my husband (actually hyper independent), I was also not thriving because I was running on stress hormones like cortisol. It felt good for awhile, until it didn't and I ended up burnt out.

Don’t get me wrong, I am still independent, but it looks different. My independence emerges from a biblical lens, in line with a femininity not driven by survival, but in tune with the Spirit and aligned with the scriptures.

When we as women are driven by survival vs spirit, we run on cortisol and it begins chipping away at our health and influences our hormones.

We often become testosterone dominant and testosterone starts converting into androgens and this impacts our ability to ovulate, leads to increased facial hair, influences our blood sugar and insulin levels and leads to eventual weight gain and chronic symptoms.

Eventually if we stay in this state long enough we burn out, cortisol plummets, our adrenals weaken, and chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, and low libido follows.

Running on stress hormones also fuels thyroid dysfunction + heart disease.

And causes our body to hold on to tension vs soften which fuels chronic pain + autoimmune disease.

This dynamic is worsened by birth control (another thing influenced by feminism by way). If you’re triggered, this post isn’t timely for you and that is okay, but it doesn’t make it less true.

So I broke up with feminism because it wasn’t empowering me, it was destroying me (physically, spiritually, + emotionally).

There are so many examples of how living driven by survival influences our relationships + marriages that I could dive into, but there is limited space.

Here is one small one: My husband tried to serve me in small ways like attempting to walk on the outside of the side walk so I was protected, but I would laugh and say, “I don’t need protected, I want to protect you and I can protect myself!” aka: I am the protector and provider. I was attempting to walk in masculinity instead of embracing femininity.

When he tried to help with small things I would say, “no I can do it.” Even though I was burnt out and saying yes would help, I didn’t want to look weak or feel like a burden.

Because I was taught by society it’s weak to rely on others.

But here’s the thing: choosing to receive protection + allowing ourselves to be provided for takes strength and it cultivates resilience. The other choice, breaks us down and causes us to run on stress hormones.

In their physiology, men are literally wired to be protectors and providers. And when we allow them to be, we actually start thriving. When I allowed my husband to start protecting and providing in ways he had been trying to, it created space in my mind, body, and spirit, because I was less focused on survival. I became more creative, gained more energy, became more playful, open and receptive vs triggered, annoyed, self protective, defensive, + burnt out. My health even improved.

We need our men. We need biblically rooted and Christ centered MASCULINE men. I am tired of society trying to beat it out of them with false narratives, so I quit buying into it.

This doesn’t mean everyone is required to marry, you can still allow men to provide for you in your work place, congregation, or even in small ways like allowing them to hold the door for you and praising and respecting them when they attempt to do so, while you are running errands, etc. When you do, you honor their masculine qualities and respect them. Men who feel respected are capable of incredible things, we just often knock them down instead of elevate them.

A small example: men often stop attempting to provide, if when they do it is met with constant criticism or rejection.

Sometimes allowing them to provide means holding back the criticism or the "redoing" or the "ill just do it myself because it wasn't done quick enough" or because it was not done the way we wanted it to be done...

I actually have single friends who chose to embrace this concept and report that they began seeing men in a new light.

It is beautiful to witness because it is by design, and we have an incredible Designer. If this resonates, follow and like my page Refined Wellness with Megan for more content like this