Healing

Did you know there are 10 core expressions of love we need our parents to show us?

These include:

- Heard

- Seen

- Valued

- Accepted

- To know we are enough

- Affection

- Play

-Instructed

- Protected

-Provided

Because of sin, there are no perfect parents and this is a gentle reminder to give our parents grace.

The truth is, our parents often cannot give what they did not receive themselves.

But the beautiful thing is God knew what our parents were and weren't capable of when we were in our mothers womb so it's likely in His providence that He provided people in our lives to fill in those gaps.

Sometimes we just need extra tools to revisit the past and create new neural pathways to allow healing.

I wanted to share today my favorite form of healing: engaging the power of neuroplasticity.

Did you know our brains have been created with the capacity for neuroplasticity? This means the brain has an ability to modify, change, and adapt and be renewed and reshaped. This gives a whole new power to the verse, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind," in Romans 12:2, right? I fully believe this is God's gift to us to heal our past wounds and live a life of peace.

Example: I grew up feeling unseen, unheard, and abandoned due to the fact that I never met my biological father. Due to feeling as though I was lacking those core expressions of love, even though my mother did her absolute best to fill it, this left a gaping whole in my heart as a child and up until I started healing as an adult, it presented itself in my adulthood through insecurity, loneliness,irritability, and fear of abandonment.

When I began healing and identifying my triggers and areas in which I felt the lack of those core expressions and learned about neuroplasticity, i learned tools to create new neural pathways that resulted in healing.

Here's how it looks:

Revisit pictures of yourself as a child, this helps revive neural pathways that have become dormant. Think back to a time when you felt a lack of one of the core expressions of love. Engage with the painful emotions you experienced because of that lack.

Make a list of people who you feel could have potentially been placed in your life to make up for the lack of one of those core expressions your parents failed to give during that time.

Then pick someone from the list you made to come and give you the one you felt was lacking during that moment. Vividly imagine a real person and a real experience of that gift and reapply it to your Child Self. It’s not so much what your gift giver would say or do but more of what it feels like to receive that gift.

How this looked for me.

I am 12 years old. I feel unwanted, unseen, and unsure of how to communicate it due to not be allowed to talk about past events. I pictured God, in His providence working through people in my life and made a list of people I felt had been placed in my life to fill the lack.

I picked one: my Grandfather, and pictured a moment where he filled the gap my biological Father had left by the love he showed me.

In this instance, My grandfather shows up and tells 12 year old me that he loves me, he sees me, and is thankful that I came into his life. I think of all the ways in which he was there for me and I thank him for and receive his love.

Because of the love my grandfather gave, he stepped in and filled the lack. This allowed that lack in my life to be fulfilled and allowed me to rewire my brain and "reparent" my younger self which provided healing. And increased my faith in my Heavenly Father who always fills in the gaps.

Don't dismiss it before you try it

Another healing method is to write a letter from your younger self to your adult self. Getting real and raw and not trying to rationalize those feelings. Then, write a letter from your adult self to your younger self, acknowledging the pain, not trying to rationalize it, thanking her for her vulnerability, bravery, and reassuring her of God's love, presence, and provision in her life.

Doing this, opens space for God to provide healing.

This isn’t a one and done type thing. There are so many areas in our lives that need constant healing, but I hope this encourages you to take advantage of the gift we have been given through neuroplasticity.